oh dear.
ooooooooooh dear.
I just don't know what to do with myself, my room is a mess, my friendships are a mess and my mind is a mess; it's so hard to sort through the mismatched socks.

oooooooooooooooooooh damn.
exhaustion, it hits.

I have yet to start my lotf project(s), and the looming test in math class is making me completely and throughly worried.
fingers crossed, fingers bleeding.
after a good two weeks without sleeping it.. I can definately say that I am looking very forward to sunday, despite the fact that I work that day.
It never ends! (but it will end) (hopefully)
Here I am, sitting and waiting for the Drivers' Training car to arrive, begging to god that it goes by fast, because I am in for quite the night, a night I will hopefully enjoy, but there's a huge chance I may not whatsoever.

c'est la vie.
high school is almost over, only around 392 days.

stress is slowly subsiding.. sort of.

the end of the year is near.. only one more physics test, one more math test, and a whole mish mash of english projects to go.
apart from the english, it's really not that much. today, I had one of greatest sighs of relief that I ever had; I had finished my very last Canadian History project. After a whole term of mindnumbing, dry history projects, ones that took way too much research and too much time.. it's almost over! I'm not sure what's left to do in that class, but I know for sure another project will not be needed.

summer is coming, and I've never been so excited. A two week long venture to three european countries, a trip to montreal to see a music festival, working all summer long and makin' lots o' money, and not to mention I have an awesome boyfriend to hang out with during all the inbetweens. I have a feeling this will all go by so fast.

This weekend, I was so moody though. I don't understand why, sometimes it just happens? It felt like I was taking it out on everyone, and I wanted to do nothing else but nap; I even missed every single performance of the school's play (but I did not get in trouble for it.. huh).

only two more weeks of school, then a whole bunch-o exams, a prom to get through, and I'm done! oh, let the sunshine come!

I've just been so goddamn moody lately.

This is all I have to say for now, I apologize.

I just spent 11 hours at the school.
ELEVEN.
hours, at school.
on Victoria day.

I am drama crew member, I do small little things like painting n' similar stuff, and I can honestly say, I truly hate it.
The thing with this is, I feel like if I don't do it, then it will all be a waste, and if I stick with it, then it can only benefit me. You know, it is an extracurricular activity. In all fairness, anything that doesn't involve me sitting and doing next to nothing, is something I don't particularly enjoy. If I don't do these extracurriculars, then I could be missing out on something big.

everyone needs to have a balance, I guess.

I realized this quite a while ago, that I don't enjoying doing things. I don't like going out, I don't like bowling and I'm not the biggest fan of parties. I still do that sometimes, because I know better then that. My perfect day though, is me coming home from school, taking a nap and watching old reruns of tv sitcoms all night.

this does not make me a weird or unusual person; it is my preference.
I work hard at my job, and I work even harder at school (most of the time..), I always feel as if I deserve a nap once in a while.
I will take my cake and eat it too.

PS: I have to add this because well I just have to so deal with it.
I love my boyfriend like crazy whoa, and I have never gotten along better with anyone, ever.

something always goes wrong.

but instead of dwelling on those wrong things, I just focus on the incredibly awesome.
thankfully, there's a lot of incredibly awesome things these days.

ps. faithful blog readers (aka the two of you), lets hang.
I need more friendage in my life.

hidden messages.

[+]
I have a boyfriend.
Mhm, He loves me, I love him.
Somehow I feel closer to my friend then ever before.
Oo, Coming to school doesn't feel like a chore.
Happiness is summer being so close.
Ah, Everything feels right, even the bad.
Perhaps it's that I'm driving, and it gets easier and more fun every time.
Perhaps it's that there's a whole summer of music to look forward to.
Yep, I love waking up in the morning.

[-]
I am piss broke.
My trip to Europe? Still not paid off.
Something tells me that everything will blow up in my face.
Oh, my physics mark, please rise.
Why did I get a minus in math class today?
Only I could worry over the small things.
Really though, I still wonder who genuinely likes me.
Reality seems sort of hazy; oblivious to what's around me.
I'm just in a fog, a good fog though.
Every fog reduces visability though.
Despite how careful you drive, you could always crash.

breathe in, breathe out.

my incredibly large payment went through; thank goodness gracious, but I have a week to come up with 500 more, and this is just ridiculous.
pressure, pressure.

this weekend is a busy one, mainly doing work that I have no motivation to do. macbeth? art pictures? canadian history? yearbook page? quadruple ugh, but it has to be done. end of the year means crunch time.

I did have a semi good day though. productive lunch hour, nothing new learned in math, movie in english, finished-ish my art portrait, and I was a Bloc Quebecois in Can. History (Noel picked the three best students in the class.. yay! also, I didn't feel like an antisocial loser. always a plus, right?)
I also had an awkward altercation with a classmate, which was basically him walking behind me halfway home (I pretended not to notice), and then finally catching up to talk to me, resulting in me walking home with him. weirdness.

also, one more thing to add. hbd kayla! I know you have my blog url, so I must say, today was a fun day.

money; fuck dat shit.

I am quite simply too young for money troubles, and almost having my incredibly expensive trip that I've been paying for a good year and a half now almost cancel on me.. it was not a good feeling.
will these money woes continue throughout my life, or am I, for the most part, smartened up?
one will never know.
all I know is, europe, montreal, prom.. great life experiences, but my poor wallet.
it hurts so bad, give the poor thing a break.

I hope this train of awesome does not crash and burn anytime soon.
everywhere I turn, friends are there. I have him, and he makes me happy. I find it took me way too long to figure this out. I have so much to do, and so much to look forward to. I am keeping busy. I work, I have homework, I have sad moments, but as for right now, everything bad does not affect me. I hope I feel like this for a long, long time.

jealousy and teenage drama:
two things that used to make me worrysome, but now just bounce off me.

I've still never been happier in my entire life.

when he held my hand in the truck last night, it felt as if I was going to die from a cuteness overload. and when he asked me, there's no way I would have said no.