we have:
- whipped cream for cafe mochas and iced cappucinos
- chocolate & caramel sauce for iced cappucinos as well
- sprinkles for vanilla dip donuts
- berries for yogurt
- crushed nuts for banana nut muffins
and various other mixed goods lying about my place of employment.
today a coworker of mine brought in a huge tub of vanilla ice cream, and I made the most beautiful ice cream sundae that my poor young eyes have ever laid eyes on.
really, it was gorgeous.
I, in my entire life, have never tasted anything that good.
to describe the taste of this sunday, you would have to gut me and crawl into my soul, and oh my god I hope there's ice cream left when I go into work tomorrow night.
please and thank you.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Just when I thought this obsession only pertained to when I was working, it turns out this obsession now haunts me in my own home, in my own kitchen.
I fucking love making and drinking Tea.
seriously! when I started working at Tim Hortons, I loved the smell of everything. The fresh baked cookies, the coffee, the soup, oh my god it was like nasal heaven. The thing I loved the smell of the most was the tea, especially our steeped tea. When it finished brewing, it was just a beautiful and intoxicating scent.
I didn't much care for hot drinks, though.
Eventually, I got used to the smell of everything, and when I walked into work it just smelled like home, and I didn't even notice the lingering smell of caffiene that stayed in my hair after an eight hour shift. The tea still smelled good, though. So I thought I'd try some.
It was beautiful.
Well, not really. At first I thought it tasted kind of bitter, but I liked it enough to try it again.
Now, I'm addicted. I drink it before I go to work. During my breaks. I take some home. I walk downtown and get some. Anytime I'm near a Tim Hortons, I buy a Large Tea Two Milk Two Sugar. I get cravings.
I just realized, we have a tea pot sitting on the stove. There are tea bags in our cupboard. So, this afternoon, depressed and wallowing in self pity, I somehow worked up the motivation to make myself a cup of my new favorite caffienated beverage. I'm still in a horrible, horrible mood, but at least now I can get through it with a cup of tea.
Also, doesn't drinking tea make me seem so sophisticated? you wish you were this mature.
I fucking love making and drinking Tea.
seriously! when I started working at Tim Hortons, I loved the smell of everything. The fresh baked cookies, the coffee, the soup, oh my god it was like nasal heaven. The thing I loved the smell of the most was the tea, especially our steeped tea. When it finished brewing, it was just a beautiful and intoxicating scent.
I didn't much care for hot drinks, though.
Eventually, I got used to the smell of everything, and when I walked into work it just smelled like home, and I didn't even notice the lingering smell of caffiene that stayed in my hair after an eight hour shift. The tea still smelled good, though. So I thought I'd try some.
It was beautiful.
Well, not really. At first I thought it tasted kind of bitter, but I liked it enough to try it again.
Now, I'm addicted. I drink it before I go to work. During my breaks. I take some home. I walk downtown and get some. Anytime I'm near a Tim Hortons, I buy a Large Tea Two Milk Two Sugar. I get cravings.
I just realized, we have a tea pot sitting on the stove. There are tea bags in our cupboard. So, this afternoon, depressed and wallowing in self pity, I somehow worked up the motivation to make myself a cup of my new favorite caffienated beverage. I'm still in a horrible, horrible mood, but at least now I can get through it with a cup of tea.
Also, doesn't drinking tea make me seem so sophisticated? you wish you were this mature.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
I woke up this morning with the scariest sight. I looked in the mirror, and saw something so shocking, so disturbing, so, so.. space-y.
I have a GAP between my two front TEETH.
(!!!!)
I must say, when it comes to the care and upkeep of my mouth, I have to say I have the worst of luck. I inherited my horribly shaped chompers from my mom's side of the family, along with my bad eyes and childhood obesity, and because of her horrible genes, I have to and had to suffer through years and years of painful and stressful teeth related pains and hurts.
when I was in elementary school, I noticed that one of my front teeth was not growing in the spot that it was supposed, but at the very top of my lip (how is that even possible?) because my baby tooth was incredibly stubborn, and would not loosen up. I always had a horrible, horrible time trying to loosen and get rid of my first set of teeth, but for some reason they liked to stay in their place, and as a result in grade five I had to get 12, count 'em TWELVE teeth pulled.
apart from the senior citizens getting teeth pulled for dentures, it really seems like a record, doesn't it?
(also, because of this whole getting-a-bajillion-teeth-removed thing, I also have a slight [only slight] fear of oral needles, but that's a completely different story and I'd rather not veer off path)
the next year, apart a very depressing and tearful trip to the orthodontist (I was very traumatized over the fact that I could no longer eat gum or popcorn), I got my Jaw Expander.
this beautiful instrument, which was situated in the roof of my mouth from grade six all the way to a few months ago (I am now in grade 11), was torturous. how it worked was, well, we were given this key, which wasn't really much of a key, it was more like a thin wire with a plastic handle, and this key fit perfectly into a hole in the jaw expander. twice daily, someone would have to place the key inside the Jaw Expander, then turn it, causing the metal contraption to wider, thus forcing my jaw to grow wider as well (hence the name Jaw Expander).
not only did it feel like my bones were splitting apart around my nose, it also made me talk weirdly, and I swear to god everyone made fun of me for like, a week because I spit everywhere and stuff. it was so hard to eat.
my teeth were completely FUBAR, with one front tooth above the other, with huge gaps where teeth should be, and my bottom teeth just going any direction they could go (I wonder if anyone thought I was british?), and in grade seven I got my braces, and my front teeth got in place, and with a year or two everything straightened up.
but it was not done!
two botton teeth started growing two years ago, they couldn't come through, I didn't visit the orthodontist for two years, my braces started to break, etc. etc.
I am in grade 11, I am sixteen year old.
I have had braces since grade 7, since I was twelve years old.
My teeth are relatively straight, and things are looking up. Only one tooth is crooked, it seems like there isn't enough room for it, but one more tightening of the braces and it should be able to fit somehow.
but this morning, I woke up with a GAP between my TEETH, and I can't help but wonder if my dental nightmares will ever end.
(I also spent all day at work sticking stirsticks and butter knives and various thin objects through it, hehehehehe)
I have a GAP between my two front TEETH.
(!!!!)
I must say, when it comes to the care and upkeep of my mouth, I have to say I have the worst of luck. I inherited my horribly shaped chompers from my mom's side of the family, along with my bad eyes and childhood obesity, and because of her horrible genes, I have to and had to suffer through years and years of painful and stressful teeth related pains and hurts.
when I was in elementary school, I noticed that one of my front teeth was not growing in the spot that it was supposed, but at the very top of my lip (how is that even possible?) because my baby tooth was incredibly stubborn, and would not loosen up. I always had a horrible, horrible time trying to loosen and get rid of my first set of teeth, but for some reason they liked to stay in their place, and as a result in grade five I had to get 12, count 'em TWELVE teeth pulled.
apart from the senior citizens getting teeth pulled for dentures, it really seems like a record, doesn't it?
(also, because of this whole getting-a-bajillion-teeth-removed thing, I also have a slight [only slight] fear of oral needles, but that's a completely different story and I'd rather not veer off path)
the next year, apart a very depressing and tearful trip to the orthodontist (I was very traumatized over the fact that I could no longer eat gum or popcorn), I got my Jaw Expander.
this beautiful instrument, which was situated in the roof of my mouth from grade six all the way to a few months ago (I am now in grade 11), was torturous. how it worked was, well, we were given this key, which wasn't really much of a key, it was more like a thin wire with a plastic handle, and this key fit perfectly into a hole in the jaw expander. twice daily, someone would have to place the key inside the Jaw Expander, then turn it, causing the metal contraption to wider, thus forcing my jaw to grow wider as well (hence the name Jaw Expander).
not only did it feel like my bones were splitting apart around my nose, it also made me talk weirdly, and I swear to god everyone made fun of me for like, a week because I spit everywhere and stuff. it was so hard to eat.
my teeth were completely FUBAR, with one front tooth above the other, with huge gaps where teeth should be, and my bottom teeth just going any direction they could go (I wonder if anyone thought I was british?), and in grade seven I got my braces, and my front teeth got in place, and with a year or two everything straightened up.
but it was not done!
two botton teeth started growing two years ago, they couldn't come through, I didn't visit the orthodontist for two years, my braces started to break, etc. etc.
I am in grade 11, I am sixteen year old.
I have had braces since grade 7, since I was twelve years old.
My teeth are relatively straight, and things are looking up. Only one tooth is crooked, it seems like there isn't enough room for it, but one more tightening of the braces and it should be able to fit somehow.
but this morning, I woke up with a GAP between my TEETH, and I can't help but wonder if my dental nightmares will ever end.
(I also spent all day at work sticking stirsticks and butter knives and various thin objects through it, hehehehehe)
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I love walking downtown. It's my number one thing to do, right now. The thing is, I just can't walk downtown without a purpose, there needs to be a reason for me to go outdoors and well, walk around. when I have something that needs to be done, I'm all over it.
This is where I realized something, again. always with these revelations, allison..
yes, in less than two years, I will be moving out of this town. maybe temporary, maybe permanently, time will tell, etc. but the point I'm making is that for time, I will not be living in this somewhat small town.
it doesn't faze me though, and yet it also doesn't excite me.
When I walk downtown, I say hi to everyone I pass. sometimes I ask how they're doing. small talk with strangers is something I kinda love, because I know there's a possibility I may never say hello to them ever again, which gives me sort of a confidence boost. weird, yeah, whatever, etc, moving on, I always say hi. they always say hi back. usually everyone is so friendly. today I had a great chat with a woman about math exams, and the pins on my knapsack. yesterday I had a lenghy conversation about work schedules, halifax and subway cookies. the point of me saying all this, is that if I were to move to a bigger city, which I fully plan on doing, whether it be slightly bigger than this town, or much larger, these encounters with strangers will become less frequent, and that saddens me. only to an extent, though, because I realized that this livin-in-a-small-town phase of my life is almost over, and it's time to move on to something else. my days here will soon become memories, and yes I will miss them a great deal. I miss other parts of my life, like the innocence of my youth, and times spent with great friends, but I don't long and ache for them to come back, because they happened, it was a chapter in the life of allison, and it's time to see what's next.
do you sort of catch my drift, here?
maybe that's why I love walking downtown, and saying hi to passerbys.
idk, lol.
This is where I realized something, again. always with these revelations, allison..
yes, in less than two years, I will be moving out of this town. maybe temporary, maybe permanently, time will tell, etc. but the point I'm making is that for time, I will not be living in this somewhat small town.
it doesn't faze me though, and yet it also doesn't excite me.
When I walk downtown, I say hi to everyone I pass. sometimes I ask how they're doing. small talk with strangers is something I kinda love, because I know there's a possibility I may never say hello to them ever again, which gives me sort of a confidence boost. weird, yeah, whatever, etc, moving on, I always say hi. they always say hi back. usually everyone is so friendly. today I had a great chat with a woman about math exams, and the pins on my knapsack. yesterday I had a lenghy conversation about work schedules, halifax and subway cookies. the point of me saying all this, is that if I were to move to a bigger city, which I fully plan on doing, whether it be slightly bigger than this town, or much larger, these encounters with strangers will become less frequent, and that saddens me. only to an extent, though, because I realized that this livin-in-a-small-town phase of my life is almost over, and it's time to move on to something else. my days here will soon become memories, and yes I will miss them a great deal. I miss other parts of my life, like the innocence of my youth, and times spent with great friends, but I don't long and ache for them to come back, because they happened, it was a chapter in the life of allison, and it's time to see what's next.
do you sort of catch my drift, here?
maybe that's why I love walking downtown, and saying hi to passerbys.
idk, lol.
Monday, January 19, 2009
I was just about to fall asleep, when I started getting worried. am I too particular?
this year at formal, I pulled my good friend aside and asked him how to break someone's heart, something I have yet to do, but I somehow feel that I did it without realizing, but alas, even though I asked him he said that he was quite possibly the worst candidate to answer this question, and he gave me the typical answers and I felt stuck, as usual.
he asked, "you're still not over him, are you."
I said, "not a fucking chance."
it's weird, this stuck feeling. guys have liked me, I have liked guys, but yet to be completely honest I could care less about them. it seems like this one person who occupys my mind at the moment just won't leave, and I can't consider anyone else. I problably would've dated this other guy, but I didn't feel comfortable going through with that when I'm thinking about someone else so often. I didn't feel like giving it a chance. I don't think I wanted to have thoughts of him leave. he doesn't feel the same way about me, but I just can't stop.
I have worse problems, so it's okay for the time being. the reason I'm writing this post is that I don't want to go through high school feeling like I wasted my time.
this year at formal, I pulled my good friend aside and asked him how to break someone's heart, something I have yet to do, but I somehow feel that I did it without realizing, but alas, even though I asked him he said that he was quite possibly the worst candidate to answer this question, and he gave me the typical answers and I felt stuck, as usual.
he asked, "you're still not over him, are you."
I said, "not a fucking chance."
it's weird, this stuck feeling. guys have liked me, I have liked guys, but yet to be completely honest I could care less about them. it seems like this one person who occupys my mind at the moment just won't leave, and I can't consider anyone else. I problably would've dated this other guy, but I didn't feel comfortable going through with that when I'm thinking about someone else so often. I didn't feel like giving it a chance. I don't think I wanted to have thoughts of him leave. he doesn't feel the same way about me, but I just can't stop.
I have worse problems, so it's okay for the time being. the reason I'm writing this post is that I don't want to go through high school feeling like I wasted my time.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
being in a room full of screaming, running, jumping, hyperactive middle school kids is really surreal. I, standing like a ferocious giant, filled with my years of experience and wisdom.. felt really awkward, and I'm not afraid to say it. I felt depressed. They're just all so innocent. they arn't scarred with heartbreak and they don't have to worry about gravimetric stoichiometry and elipse equations. I'd overhear their little conversations and they'd say the weirdest, most random things, and I'd remember a time where I didn't have to watch what I said. I remember when my dances consisted more of standing around with my click, and not very much moving to the music.
strangely, I miss it.
I find that in my writing, all I can talk about (and in my life, all I can think and dream about) is growing up and getting older, and I've always been in such a hurry to move away and take care of myself. now, I'm not so sure. I feel as if sometimes I'm too serious, and I could be a tad bit more immature, more spirited and a lot more "random". I realized that's there's only a year and a half left of my youth, and it didn't hit me until I was in a room filled with, well, actual kids ("tweens", if you must) They're old enough to not have to hold their mother's hand but young enough to be considered sweet and innocent. I used to be that young. That was the best time of my life. A time when I could be friends with all sorts of boys, without the awkward sexual tension. A time when you didn't have to worry about intense jealousy, backstabbing best friends, boyfriends, or lack there of.
It was also weird, watching these little kids (in an appropriate way, mind you!), I could instantly tell who they'd become once they'd hit high school. I could tell which one's would be the obnoxious jocks. The preppy girls. The slutty, preppy girls. Also, the ones that won't fit in at all, and would try really hard to. My heart ached for them, I knew what it was like. This really overweight girl with a really cute sweater, oh how I just wanted to hug her, and tell her that she'll have a growth spurt and it will all work out fine. (well, that's what happened with me, anyway).
strangely, I miss it.
I find that in my writing, all I can talk about (and in my life, all I can think and dream about) is growing up and getting older, and I've always been in such a hurry to move away and take care of myself. now, I'm not so sure. I feel as if sometimes I'm too serious, and I could be a tad bit more immature, more spirited and a lot more "random". I realized that's there's only a year and a half left of my youth, and it didn't hit me until I was in a room filled with, well, actual kids ("tweens", if you must) They're old enough to not have to hold their mother's hand but young enough to be considered sweet and innocent. I used to be that young. That was the best time of my life. A time when I could be friends with all sorts of boys, without the awkward sexual tension. A time when you didn't have to worry about intense jealousy, backstabbing best friends, boyfriends, or lack there of.
It was also weird, watching these little kids (in an appropriate way, mind you!), I could instantly tell who they'd become once they'd hit high school. I could tell which one's would be the obnoxious jocks. The preppy girls. The slutty, preppy girls. Also, the ones that won't fit in at all, and would try really hard to. My heart ached for them, I knew what it was like. This really overweight girl with a really cute sweater, oh how I just wanted to hug her, and tell her that she'll have a growth spurt and it will all work out fine. (well, that's what happened with me, anyway).
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Thank god I was exempt from the Biology exam. I'm not saying I did bad on it, but I know that I didn't do better than my class mark, which basically meant I spent two hours straining my brain for absolutely nothing. At least English went better than I thought it would. I was confident in everything I did, except for maybe two out of seventy multiple choice, and I'm pretty sure I bullshitted my way through one of the short answers.
My blogs have become more sporadically posted. I'm sorry faithful readers, but these exams are consuming me. Right now I ought to be studying for a three hour long challenging math exam tomorrow, which I must say is slightly stressing me to my limit. No matter how hard I try, I just cannot study. I just simply don't know how, it comes to a point where I either know it or I don't, and the only way I can get better is practice, not looking at a sheet. Alas, I will try my bestestest.
My blogs have become more sporadically posted. I'm sorry faithful readers, but these exams are consuming me. Right now I ought to be studying for a three hour long challenging math exam tomorrow, which I must say is slightly stressing me to my limit. No matter how hard I try, I just cannot study. I just simply don't know how, it comes to a point where I either know it or I don't, and the only way I can get better is practice, not looking at a sheet. Alas, I will try my bestestest.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
when it comes to guys, I haven't liked many in my life time.
In kindergarden I used to chase a boy around the playground and torment him to death and I always remembered he wore the stupidest sweaters and I secretly thought he was the cutest. I thought this all the way up until grade seven. for a few years we were inseperable, but we drifted apart and then eventually he shattered my heart when my friend brianna asked him out for me and he said no. middle school drama is the worst. after him I didn't really find anyone to like for about a year or two, mostly just going for the cuteness of boys instead of the awesomeness of boys. finding a deep personality within a group of immature pre pubescent boys is a rarity, and it wasn't until grade nine that I found someone that I was totally into.
By saying this, does it make me seem arrogant? saying that well, I am mature for my age? I'm not sure if I am now, but I always felt that I was. When a grade 12 boy, with the same tastes and beliefs as me started to talk to me frequently, I was delighted, and I was so all over dat. I quickly thought he was the most amazing person in the world, someone that I connected with. It wasn't long before I learned he was actually a shallow, immature prick that happened to have cool tastes, and when he shattered my heart I knew it was coming and I was able to get over it quickly. Too quickly, I found. I was prepared for it though, because he was in love with my best friend at the time, and she did nothing to stop this and well that's something I don't want to get into in this blog post.
this blog post is about heartbreak. right now, this one certain guy, this older guy with amazing taste and amazing talent and amazing personality. the cutest guy I've ever seen. well, okay he doesn't feel the same way towards me. and this is scary. really scary, because look at this pattern that I've created.
a) girl likes boy
b) boy doesn't like girl
c) girl gets sad
d) girl moves on
see what I mean? all boys that I focus my attention on and give me heart to always shatter it, and I just cry a bit then get over it. sometimes it took me a while, sometimes it took me a few days. the point is that I didn't like to keep lingering feelings. what's scary is this new pattern that came up with this amazing boy.
a) girl likes boy
b) boy doesn't like girl
c) girl gets sad
d) girl keeps thinking about boy, and keeps trying
this will just lead me to more heartbreak, but I honestly don't care. He doesn't talk to me nearly enough, but when he does it makes me happy for days.
Why am I so pathetic?
Does everyone eventually feel this way about someone?
Why does unrequited love exist?
I don't think I can choose the path my heart takes anymore, and that just really scares me.
In kindergarden I used to chase a boy around the playground and torment him to death and I always remembered he wore the stupidest sweaters and I secretly thought he was the cutest. I thought this all the way up until grade seven. for a few years we were inseperable, but we drifted apart and then eventually he shattered my heart when my friend brianna asked him out for me and he said no. middle school drama is the worst. after him I didn't really find anyone to like for about a year or two, mostly just going for the cuteness of boys instead of the awesomeness of boys. finding a deep personality within a group of immature pre pubescent boys is a rarity, and it wasn't until grade nine that I found someone that I was totally into.
By saying this, does it make me seem arrogant? saying that well, I am mature for my age? I'm not sure if I am now, but I always felt that I was. When a grade 12 boy, with the same tastes and beliefs as me started to talk to me frequently, I was delighted, and I was so all over dat. I quickly thought he was the most amazing person in the world, someone that I connected with. It wasn't long before I learned he was actually a shallow, immature prick that happened to have cool tastes, and when he shattered my heart I knew it was coming and I was able to get over it quickly. Too quickly, I found. I was prepared for it though, because he was in love with my best friend at the time, and she did nothing to stop this and well that's something I don't want to get into in this blog post.
this blog post is about heartbreak. right now, this one certain guy, this older guy with amazing taste and amazing talent and amazing personality. the cutest guy I've ever seen. well, okay he doesn't feel the same way towards me. and this is scary. really scary, because look at this pattern that I've created.
a) girl likes boy
b) boy doesn't like girl
c) girl gets sad
d) girl moves on
see what I mean? all boys that I focus my attention on and give me heart to always shatter it, and I just cry a bit then get over it. sometimes it took me a while, sometimes it took me a few days. the point is that I didn't like to keep lingering feelings. what's scary is this new pattern that came up with this amazing boy.
a) girl likes boy
b) boy doesn't like girl
c) girl gets sad
d) girl keeps thinking about boy, and keeps trying
this will just lead me to more heartbreak, but I honestly don't care. He doesn't talk to me nearly enough, but when he does it makes me happy for days.
Why am I so pathetic?
Does everyone eventually feel this way about someone?
Why does unrequited love exist?
I don't think I can choose the path my heart takes anymore, and that just really scares me.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
My english project is going smoothly. Maybe a little too smoothly. I know exactly what to write, the only challenge is getting the motivation to put it down and avoid silly distractions like blog posts.
Today at work I felt happy and talked freely to my coworkers as if I wasn't as shy and self concious as I am. It took a year and three months, but I think I am finally comfortable in my work enviroment. I know exactly what to do and this gives me the confidence to just be myself and not stress over supervisors watched and coworkers judging.
I also can't stop listening to Sex on Fire. What's wrong with me?
Today at work I felt happy and talked freely to my coworkers as if I wasn't as shy and self concious as I am. It took a year and three months, but I think I am finally comfortable in my work enviroment. I know exactly what to do and this gives me the confidence to just be myself and not stress over supervisors watched and coworkers judging.
I also can't stop listening to Sex on Fire. What's wrong with me?
Saturday, January 10, 2009
heheh.
last night was slightly needed. and slightly depressing.
I had a many good laughs, I heard the greatest impression of a certain guy in all of my advanced classes, and the greatest re-enactment of 'every live Rush DVD ever', and I haven't laughed so hard in the longest time and then realized that made me feel like I've been missing out on something big for a while.
Again, every time I hang out with him all I can think of is a lot of wasted potential due to my procrastination and lack of motivation. It seems like I'm destined to a long life a trying too hard and failing even harder in comparison to him. It bothers me a lot more than I let on, and a lot more than it should.
It is 7 pm on Saturday night, and I still have not started my english project, and erlack I know I won't work on it tonight. 3 pages out of 10 is just not good enough. I also found out that I have to work the night of my three hour long math exam and when I realized this I started to hyperventilate and overthink of how I would study and if they'd let me get off work early and etc etc etc I just feel as if I don't have enough preperation for this big of a test. I just have to realize that I overdramatize everything, and I make it seem as if this exam determines the outcome of the rest of my life.
Just remember. The black guy from House was a childhood delinquent, then ended up getting one of the most prestigious partnerships in the medical industry.
He is also a fictional character.
God fucking damn it.
also; how come no one told me that gained so much weight? this is a completely valid and called for statement, considering I went from chubby and managable to being parallel with moby dick.
last night was slightly needed. and slightly depressing.
I had a many good laughs, I heard the greatest impression of a certain guy in all of my advanced classes, and the greatest re-enactment of 'every live Rush DVD ever', and I haven't laughed so hard in the longest time and then realized that made me feel like I've been missing out on something big for a while.
Again, every time I hang out with him all I can think of is a lot of wasted potential due to my procrastination and lack of motivation. It seems like I'm destined to a long life a trying too hard and failing even harder in comparison to him. It bothers me a lot more than I let on, and a lot more than it should.
It is 7 pm on Saturday night, and I still have not started my english project, and erlack I know I won't work on it tonight. 3 pages out of 10 is just not good enough. I also found out that I have to work the night of my three hour long math exam and when I realized this I started to hyperventilate and overthink of how I would study and if they'd let me get off work early and etc etc etc I just feel as if I don't have enough preperation for this big of a test. I just have to realize that I overdramatize everything, and I make it seem as if this exam determines the outcome of the rest of my life.
Just remember. The black guy from House was a childhood delinquent, then ended up getting one of the most prestigious partnerships in the medical industry.
He is also a fictional character.
God fucking damn it.
also; how come no one told me that gained so much weight? this is a completely valid and called for statement, considering I went from chubby and managable to being parallel with moby dick.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
procrastination, hates it.
I have a 10 page story to write in english. It is due on monday, and one page is only written. This, seems to be no problem to most people. To me, it's a huge problem. All I know is, that on Sunday night, I am going to end up writing, typing, and finalizing every single little bit of it.
The one thing I don't understand is how I became such a procrastinator. I know the deadline, and I have lots of time to do it, but the motivation and ideas don't hit me until the pressure is on. Then it gets ten times more frustrating, because my time to actually do everything is very, very limited.
I can kick procrastination for most things, but for english, it's 10 times worse.
There is nothing I hate more in the world than english class.
I have a 10 page story to write in english. It is due on monday, and one page is only written. This, seems to be no problem to most people. To me, it's a huge problem. All I know is, that on Sunday night, I am going to end up writing, typing, and finalizing every single little bit of it.
The one thing I don't understand is how I became such a procrastinator. I know the deadline, and I have lots of time to do it, but the motivation and ideas don't hit me until the pressure is on. Then it gets ten times more frustrating, because my time to actually do everything is very, very limited.
I can kick procrastination for most things, but for english, it's 10 times worse.
There is nothing I hate more in the world than english class.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
I feel so bad.
reason a) my head hurts. I don't understand why it hurts so badly. I take pride in the fact that I hardly ever feel sick; I know many people who always either have a stuffy nose or an upset tummy. I usually feel okay, mostly I'm tired, but nothing worth complaining about. The past two days though, my god, my head pounds like a motherfucker, and no liquid advils can cure it. I've been watching lots of House so I keep thinking I have a tapeworm in my brain.
reason b) I feel as if I should go out with this one guy. He's into to me, for some unknown random reason that I just do not know about, he likes me, and I just don't feel the same way. but I still feel as if I should, because he's nice, he's cute, and to be completely honest I feel he deserves better than me. I problably would already be with him if I wasn't so anal about being in a relationship, because to me, the thought of being in a 'ship right now is so unappealing, for so many reasons.
reason c) I don't miss my mom as much as I should. I haven't seen her since October, and she's coming home on monday, and quite frankly I just don't.. well, care. she should've just taken a job here as home. she should treat my dad better. she shouldn't spend money the crazy way she does. She's causing more problems then helping, and she never used to be like this.
reason d) I feel like I should be better at giving advice. Friends tell me stuff, I don't say helpful stuff back. I can't do anything about it, I'm useless at that kind of thing.
I hate when I feel horrible. Obvious statement is obvious.
reason a) my head hurts. I don't understand why it hurts so badly. I take pride in the fact that I hardly ever feel sick; I know many people who always either have a stuffy nose or an upset tummy. I usually feel okay, mostly I'm tired, but nothing worth complaining about. The past two days though, my god, my head pounds like a motherfucker, and no liquid advils can cure it. I've been watching lots of House so I keep thinking I have a tapeworm in my brain.
reason b) I feel as if I should go out with this one guy. He's into to me, for some unknown random reason that I just do not know about, he likes me, and I just don't feel the same way. but I still feel as if I should, because he's nice, he's cute, and to be completely honest I feel he deserves better than me. I problably would already be with him if I wasn't so anal about being in a relationship, because to me, the thought of being in a 'ship right now is so unappealing, for so many reasons.
reason c) I don't miss my mom as much as I should. I haven't seen her since October, and she's coming home on monday, and quite frankly I just don't.. well, care. she should've just taken a job here as home. she should treat my dad better. she shouldn't spend money the crazy way she does. She's causing more problems then helping, and she never used to be like this.
reason d) I feel like I should be better at giving advice. Friends tell me stuff, I don't say helpful stuff back. I can't do anything about it, I'm useless at that kind of thing.
I hate when I feel horrible. Obvious statement is obvious.
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