snow day today, and I took this school-less opportunity to gain some life experience. I went downtown and filed my taxes.

I'm a good little canadian citizen. and to be completely honest, I had no idea what to do. and I still kind of don't, nonetheless I survived the ordeal.
I was given this slip with my pay cheque last week, something called a "t4". a lot of money jargon that went completely over my head, but I wanted money so I bravely went downtown today to the friendly neighbourhood H&R Block. I was with my friend, and together we walked into the place, and stood awkwardly, not knowing what to do. The lady behind a counter asked if she could help us, and I bluntly said "we are completely new to this." regardless, she took our slips and asked us to sit down.
oh, and we sat. we waited an hour until someone called us into their tiny offices. although, kayla got called first and I had a great chat with all the waiting room patrons while she was absent.

I sat in the room, as the woman with the french accent got me to sign papers, and asked if I wanted cash back. Of course I wanted cash back, are you crazy? apparently, I wasn't eligible for it. This made no sense to me, because I was going to recieve a cheque in the mail. I didn't ask questions. Maybe next year. I was just offended because when she asked if I had children, I answered "none that I know of", and she didn't even laugh a little bit.
Sometimes I wonder why I try.

I still feel all grown up & stuffz.

this is most, normal teenagers with normal problems and normal social lives usually are.

this is where I am usually, most of the time. my normal, nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary, I like it here and am accustomed to it.













this is where I am right now. this is how I feel. sigh.

I'm making this post simply to say that I always depend on the approval of others. I feel horrible when I'm hated, and try to desperately to make everyone like me.

This has definately got to stop, or I'll never be truly happy.

Other than that, I have a cold that's hurting right down to the muscles and is making life slightly more difficult to navigate. This calls for a whole fuck tonne of oj.

Did anyone notice that note floating around facebook, the one where you say 25 secrets about yourself? Some are shocking, some are boring, some are interesting, some, well some no one cares about.
well, why I just do it here, right now? It will save the embarassment of confessing in a public manner like facebook (but, this is even more public, because the whole wide internet can read this, instead of my facebook acquaintances.. at least, I don't think they can).
anyway!

1. sometimes at work, when I see coffee grinds floating in people's drinks, I don't bother changing it. I especially do this if they give me a hard time. karma is a bitch, only slightly.

2. I have a set plan for how I want my life to turn out, and I am almost certain that it will not come true, no matter how hard I work.

3. I'm extremely, extremely jealous of everyone who gets better marks in me at school, to a degree where going to english and math class makes me feel incredibly self concious.

4. I find it very, very funny reading through these secret notes on facebook, because every girl that does them say how 'deeply' they care about the 'issues', but yet none of them do anything about it. yes, you know about darfur. either donate and volunteer, or stop bringing attention to yourself, making yourself seem like a humanitarian. sorry, that was just plain bitchy, but come on!

5. I don't think I could ever get a tattoo. something about how permanent it is, it's sort of scary. I'd have to look at it for the rest of my life. piercings I do love, and I'm definately planning on getting more someday.

6. I don't hate my job nearly as much as I let on. sometimes it's actually really awesome, and I really like the people I work with now that I know them more.

7. I don't care where I end up in life, whether I move to a different continent, or back to the miramichi. as long as I'm somewhat happy with what I'm doing, I'll be fine. I just want to leave the province for my schooling.

8. I get jealous really easily. real easy.

9. I can't think of any talents that I have. some people write, some people game, some people play sports. I do nothing, but it doesn't bother me as much as some people I know.

10. I find clothes shopping depressing, which is why I tend to avoid it, which is why I dress horribly. that's my excuse, and if you faithful blog readers were my size, you'd be depressed whilst clothes shopping too.

11. I'm uncomfortable in really social situations. also when I'm with one person. a small group is perfect for me, 3-5 people.

12. I'm not close to any member of my family. not my parents, not my brother, not my cousins/uncles/aunts, anyone at all. I barely talk to any of them. and I don't even care.

13. Karma gets me good, real good. I tend to talk smack about a lot of people, and you better believe karma gets me for that. Don't think I'm not aware when I'm trashing someone. I get what I deserve.

14. I don't cut my hair because, well I want to
a) see how long it will get
b) donate it all after graduation
c) make a big, dramatic change to my appearance, also after grad.

15. I don't like high school, and I can't see how I'll enjoy it next year, even though I'll be a senior.

16. Two friends of mine, I can honestly say, saved my life. okay, okay, they didn't save me from a burning building or catch me from falling off a cliff, but they saved my life in the "MUSIX SAVED MAH LYFE" kind of way. They made it a lot more bearable. I can't thank them enough.

17. I had the chance to be in a relationship, and I can honestly say, no. not for me. a 'ship is just something I don't want, anytime soon.

18. I feel blessed that I saw my favorite band live. how stupid does that sound? it's so true though, never in my life have I felt so, happy. also, Montreal was an amazing city, everyone was so nice, and it had the coolest feel, I can honestly say I fell in love with the place.

19. I didn't enjoy New York as much as I thought I would.

20. I like to know things. I am obsessed with pop culture, and it makes me feel awesome when I gets multiple references. I just love being aware. I get this trait from my Mom.

21. I love science, I do so much. Biology especially, and that's what I want to pursue when I go to university.. but, I've been considering dropping that altogether and getting a BA majoring in Political Science.

22. natural brunette, lol!!!!!!

23. I used to be a regular at a lot of message boards and forums, and now I don't post in any of them. Too busy I guess, I have a "life", but I miss the people so much. At least I have Nick.

24. I really do enjoy speaking in front of large groups. I don't know why, because I'm usually really quiet and I feel really self concious. I guess deep down, I'm a real big attention whore.

25. I think that the last 24 things you read just made me seem like a huge fucking toolbox.

I've been grinning and bearing it for a while now. Forcing yourself into a good mood doesn't feel healthy, but if it makes the people around me happy, then I guess it's worth it in the long run.

but really, I guess I'm fine!

I've just been trying to not think about the things that make me feel horrible. Things like not making a difference when I can, not doing what I want when I should, not talking to people that I have to, and just him, and how he refuses to even pretend to care now.

but really, I guess I'm fine!

Sorry for my scattered blog posts. I truly apologize, but for some reason I just can't think of anything to write about. This post even feels like a waste of my time (but I feel like I shouldn't abandon the blog that I wrote in so faithfully only weeks ago).

The reason I find blogging difficult lately.

My sleep cycle is so, so out of whack.

I got called into work on Saturday morning, when I was supposed to work Saturday night. That means that that morning I must've only gotten a few hours sleep; not enough I should say.
That afternoon when I came home, I took a nap, which ruined everything.
Now, since then, I keep falling asleep in the afternoon, waking up late in the night, the being unable to fall back asleep!

I just have to say, I friggin' hate it.
Yesterday, I told myself over and over and over, do. not. nap.
I went upstairs around 5 o'clock to be homework. The second I sit on my bed, exhaustion overwhelmed me, and I just had to sleep, or I felt as if I'd die.
I woke up at 11 o'clock at night, my homework not done. I scrambled to finish, thinking that I would soon fall asleep again, but alas I did not, and I spent all night watching old reruns of Seinfeld on TVTropolis until I felt tired enough to try to sleep again (which wasn't until late).

So now I am just cranky all the time. Sorry?