when it comes to guys, I haven't liked many in my life time.

In kindergarden I used to chase a boy around the playground and torment him to death and I always remembered he wore the stupidest sweaters and I secretly thought he was the cutest. I thought this all the way up until grade seven. for a few years we were inseperable, but we drifted apart and then eventually he shattered my heart when my friend brianna asked him out for me and he said no. middle school drama is the worst. after him I didn't really find anyone to like for about a year or two, mostly just going for the cuteness of boys instead of the awesomeness of boys. finding a deep personality within a group of immature pre pubescent boys is a rarity, and it wasn't until grade nine that I found someone that I was totally into.
By saying this, does it make me seem arrogant? saying that well, I am mature for my age? I'm not sure if I am now, but I always felt that I was. When a grade 12 boy, with the same tastes and beliefs as me started to talk to me frequently, I was delighted, and I was so all over dat. I quickly thought he was the most amazing person in the world, someone that I connected with. It wasn't long before I learned he was actually a shallow, immature prick that happened to have cool tastes, and when he shattered my heart I knew it was coming and I was able to get over it quickly. Too quickly, I found. I was prepared for it though, because he was in love with my best friend at the time, and she did nothing to stop this and well that's something I don't want to get into in this blog post.

this blog post is about heartbreak. right now, this one certain guy, this older guy with amazing taste and amazing talent and amazing personality. the cutest guy I've ever seen. well, okay he doesn't feel the same way towards me. and this is scary. really scary, because look at this pattern that I've created.
a) girl likes boy
b) boy doesn't like girl
c) girl gets sad
d) girl moves on
see what I mean? all boys that I focus my attention on and give me heart to always shatter it, and I just cry a bit then get over it. sometimes it took me a while, sometimes it took me a few days. the point is that I didn't like to keep lingering feelings. what's scary is this new pattern that came up with this amazing boy.
a) girl likes boy
b) boy doesn't like girl
c) girl gets sad
d) girl keeps thinking about boy, and keeps trying
this will just lead me to more heartbreak, but I honestly don't care. He doesn't talk to me nearly enough, but when he does it makes me happy for days.
Why am I so pathetic?
Does everyone eventually feel this way about someone?
Why does unrequited love exist?
I don't think I can choose the path my heart takes anymore, and that just really scares me.