last night I obtained vodka and went to a friend's house, in hopes that I'd get smashed. when I got there, all hopes of getting incredibly hammed were dashed; I just did not feel like it. so instead I sipped coolers and stayed on someone's laptop, hoping that he would talk to me. feeling slightly tipsy left me feeling slightly more confident, which left me slightly more at ease to talk about my feelings (I had no trouble telling my whole life story to brittany, a girl I have never even talked to before), but he did not, making me feel sick, and not from vodka shots, mind you.

I've been attempting to write this essay since three oclock (it is now seven), and I barely wrote one page. I have no interest in writing a research essay on remembrance, and having no motivation leads to writers' block, which will lead to me sitting in front of this computer all night. being unable to write a school assignment is weird, because I recently acquired my love of writing in my free time again. sigh; of course it wouldn't benefit me in the real world. now only to get my love of music and reading back, and I'll feel normal, and maybe not as depressed and heartbroken.

Update: it is now 9:46, I have finished the essay, and it is three pages double spaced. I am truly a pathetic individual.