so many deaths this close to christmas should not be allowed. life goes without saying though, it plays by it's own rules and we just have to cope. blah, cliche thing to say, but it's cliche because it's true.
this morning I woke up and the first thing I found out was that my grandmother has passed away. it goes without saying really, that this is an incredibly emotional and depressing thing. I loved her so much, and it seemed like it happened too fast. the weird thing about this is, I'm just taking this so much harder than I thought I would. I have been to funerals, I have been to wakes, and I hear about people I know dying more than I should, but she was the closest person to me that I have died, and it's sort of monumental in a way. a sad, sad new experience. I'm just going to miss her like crazy, and I feel so bad for my poor dad, who no longer has any surviving parents. my heart nearly broke seeing him cry today, but it's to be expected and I cried just as hard too.

it doesn't even feel like christmas, and quite frankly I could care how many gifts (or lack there of, in my case) are under the tree. I just want things to be okay. I want friends to care about me. I want him to love me. I want my parents to be happy. I want my brother to be successful. I want this guy to get off my back, because the last thing I want right now is a relationship.
You can't always get what you want, yet another cliche thing, but really, it's true.